Music I Love: “Tonight’s Decision”, Katatonia (1999)

Tonight's decision

Katatonia (not to be confused with Welsh band Catatonia) have been producing miserable and gloomy music for over two decades now, and have only secured and matured their sound with each successive album. Their music could best be described as atmospheric doom metal; metal it is, but there are so many acoustic and quiet sections that it’s hard to define them as “doom” metal, which usually features death growls (of which there are none).

Actually, not quite. Katatonia did start out as a straight up metal band, death growls and all, with their debut release Dance of December Souls introducing their bleak and melancholy sound, but with much heavier guitars and growled vocals. This was followed by Brave Murder Day, on which the absolutely fantastic Mikael Åkerfeldt gave it his all with his trademark death vocals.

And then, it all changed. Åkerfeldt, with his full-time commitment to his band Opeth (about whom I’ve written previously), left, and they were left with Jonas Renske, who was really only a singer, not a growler. And so they released Discouraged Ones, which cemented their style as a clean-sung doom metal band. With tracks such as I Break, they defined a sound of moody, atmospheric and gloomy harmonies, and even the heavy guitars seemed softer, and less intrusive. (The heaviness actually returns later, but at that time they were becoming ever softer).

And then came Tonight’s Decision. Essentially a kind of concept album without a story (only misery and a tirade against an unknown person who seems to have torn Renske’s heart out), it begins with the mesmerizing off-ryhthm guitars of For My Demons, which give way to the heaviness and Renske’s mournful singing:

You would never sleep at night

If you knew what I’ve been through

And this thought is all I have

To trust upon when life is gone

For My Demons – Katatonia, 1999

From here the album winds seamlessly on, a musical journey through slow misery, both heavy and quiet. The gorgeous This Punishment and A Darkness Coming are some of their finest acoustic tracks, heart-rending and beautiful.

Katatonia went on to release Viva Emptiness, which saw a return to the harder and faster style of their roots, maintaining a relatively heavy sound throughout. With The Great Cold Distance came a change in sound, with songs ranging from extremely heavy to very quiet within the space of a few seconds. Bass-heavy and dominating, this sound persisted on Night Is the New Day, though the album was significantly slower in style than The Great Cold Distance and Viva Emptiness.

Their most recent release, Dead End Kings, continues this musical journey, and I can’t wait to see where they go from here. For me though, Tonight’s Decision represents the turning point in their career, where their gloom and doom was really solidified.

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Thought of the Week: I Think I’m Happy…What Should I Do About It?

I'm not insane…

I’m not crazy…

Those of you who’ve been following me for a while might be aware that beneath the surface of joviality and fun is a pretty lonely, disturbed and frankly mad person. I’ve struggled with untold mental illnesses since my teens (literally untold – no one’s told me what’s wrong with me yet). In fact, look out for some poems from those dark periods of my life coming up on here in the near future. I’ve been depressed, miserable, suicidal even…and it’s become so ingrained that it’s now a part of me – defines me, even.

So what on earth am I supposed to do when I don’t actually feel like that at all? For the past couple of weeks I haven’t felt the influence of darkness on me at all. At first it was pretty welcome, but now I’m beginning to get scared – what’s wrong with me? Even worse, what’s happened to what’s wrong with me?

~

“This is such an unusual feeling that I have no idea how to cope with it.”

~

I can’t exactly tie it to any one thing in particular; the new drugs I started on recently, some subconscious breakthrough in therapy, the fact that Mrs. Satis hasn’t been yelling at me all the time…who knows. It’s been a remarkable influence on my home life; things just feel good, as though there’s just nothing really wrong in the world. We went for a wonderful walk the other day in a nearby botanical garden, and it was lovely, even though we got there late, were tired, and didn’t even get to see a whole lot of flowers (there were some really incredible flowering trees, though).

Just of a taste of the blooms at the New Jersey Botanical Gardens.

Just of a taste of the blooms at the New Jersey Botanical Gardens.

We went out to breakfast last week, and had a conversation. Wow – a whole conversation, like where we both get to talk and listen to each other!

Things are going well at work, too; new positions are opening up, I’m getting to do a lot of what I enjoy, and the people I work with are fabulous.

I’m so freaking scared!

This is such an unusual feeling that I have no idea how to cope with it. Even when I get upset, it doesn’t last – I pull out of it almost right away. I want to say that I feel stable, which ironically feels incredibly unstable given that I normally am unstable all of the time. I can’t tell if it’s a good feeling, if it’s normal…I can’t tell if it’s a kind of bipolar high that I’m going to come crashing down from soon.

I think that these are some of the things that are particularly frightening me the most. The downs, the deep, dark black pits of despair that I wallow in for days on end, despite their comfort and familiarity and allure, are terribly damaging to my relationships and those around me, and as much as I crave it I also fear it. On this “high” (for lack of a better word) I feel able to see the effects of the downs more clearly, and I just really don’t want to go back there.

In fact, this sense of pseudo-panic is leaving me so upset and disturbed that I think I might be crashing because of it. Does this even make any sense? I feel like a complete lunatic, or completely doped up. Everything’s so right it’s wrong!

What do you think? Is it possible to become depressed because you’re happy?

Daily Photo: March 21, 2012

There is a deep sadness in these skeletal remains.

There is a deep sadness in these skeletal remains.

One of the stops on our cruise that year was Nassau. There was a lot to enjoy about that very caribbean town, but there was also signs of weariness; the abandoned remains of a burned-out church, the once-beautiful mural now a sad, scarred shadow.

Camera: Nikon D90          ISO: 200          Aperture: ƒ/13          Shutter speed: 1/180

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