Thought of the Week: How to Grow an Aloe Forest

This one is by request this week, from TamrahJo, who wanted to know how to not kill aloe plants. I should preface this by saying there are many, many varieties of aloe, and I am familiar with precisely one:

Our aloe plants; we never quite new what species they were, but the closet I could find was the African Aloe.

Our aloe plants; we never quite new what species they were, but the closet I could find was the African Aloe.

The key thing to understand about aloes is that they’re like rabbits (or Catholics): they love making babies. As long as you take care of the original aloe, as it grows you’ll find smaller aloes sprouting all around it. These can be separated easily (the roots go deep) and replanted on their own, and will soon grow and make babies of their own.

Realize that aloes are distantly related to cactuses , and store a surprising amount of fluid in their stems. The stems are actually the wide, flat leaf-like part of the plant, as technically only the spines qualify as leaves. If one breaks it will release a large amount of viscous, clear sap that is often used to soothe burns (I won’t go into why this works, because I don’t actually know).

What this means is that they don’t need a lot of water. Plant them in a pot that has ample drainage, and water them only when the soil starts to dry. Mind you, if you let the soil dry too much it will crack, and not retain the water at all. Water them until the water just leaks out of the bottom, and then stop (make sure you have a plate or base to catch the water). I’ve over-watered countless aloes, and ended up with a lot of water to mop up.

If you get this right, you’ll find your aloe starts to grow fast. It’ll grow in all seasons if you keep it indoors, though faster in Spring and Summer. Keep a close eye on it for babies, and be willing to repot it regularly. Because of its affinity for dry climates, its roots are long, tangled and numerous. If the roots fill the pot it’ll start to wither, so repotting it into larger pot allows its roots to spread.

The babies actually come from these roots; when the spread far enough from the original plant they start to branch off, and some will begin to grow upward toward the soil again (photophillic, I think my high-school biology teacher once said?). Once the baby reaches a moderate size, gently dig it out and replant it in an appropriately-sized pot with fresh potting soil.

And have lots of pots on hand.

If you follow these steps, you might – if you’re very lucky, and it turns out I actually know what I’m talking about – get an aloe forest something like this:

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Our aloe forest.

And if you’re really, really lucky, they might flower, like this:

The droop of an aloe flower.

The droop of an aloe flower.

And there you have it. Two disclaimers: I am not a plant expert, and every single thing you’ve just read comes from Mrs. Satis, not me.

Good luck!

~

Oh, one other disclaimer: I have nothing against Catholics. Just saying.

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Thought of the Week: I Think I’m Happy…What Should I Do About It?

I'm not insane…

I’m not crazy…

Those of you who’ve been following me for a while might be aware that beneath the surface of joviality and fun is a pretty lonely, disturbed and frankly mad person. I’ve struggled with untold mental illnesses since my teens (literally untold – no one’s told me what’s wrong with me yet). In fact, look out for some poems from those dark periods of my life coming up on here in the near future. I’ve been depressed, miserable, suicidal even…and it’s become so ingrained that it’s now a part of me – defines me, even.

So what on earth am I supposed to do when I don’t actually feel like that at all? For the past couple of weeks I haven’t felt the influence of darkness on me at all. At first it was pretty welcome, but now I’m beginning to get scared – what’s wrong with me? Even worse, what’s happened to what’s wrong with me?

~

“This is such an unusual feeling that I have no idea how to cope with it.”

~

I can’t exactly tie it to any one thing in particular; the new drugs I started on recently, some subconscious breakthrough in therapy, the fact that Mrs. Satis hasn’t been yelling at me all the time…who knows. It’s been a remarkable influence on my home life; things just feel good, as though there’s just nothing really wrong in the world. We went for a wonderful walk the other day in a nearby botanical garden, and it was lovely, even though we got there late, were tired, and didn’t even get to see a whole lot of flowers (there were some really incredible flowering trees, though).

Just of a taste of the blooms at the New Jersey Botanical Gardens.

Just of a taste of the blooms at the New Jersey Botanical Gardens.

We went out to breakfast last week, and had a conversation. Wow – a whole conversation, like where we both get to talk and listen to each other!

Things are going well at work, too; new positions are opening up, I’m getting to do a lot of what I enjoy, and the people I work with are fabulous.

I’m so freaking scared!

This is such an unusual feeling that I have no idea how to cope with it. Even when I get upset, it doesn’t last – I pull out of it almost right away. I want to say that I feel stable, which ironically feels incredibly unstable given that I normally am unstable all of the time. I can’t tell if it’s a good feeling, if it’s normal…I can’t tell if it’s a kind of bipolar high that I’m going to come crashing down from soon.

I think that these are some of the things that are particularly frightening me the most. The downs, the deep, dark black pits of despair that I wallow in for days on end, despite their comfort and familiarity and allure, are terribly damaging to my relationships and those around me, and as much as I crave it I also fear it. On this “high” (for lack of a better word) I feel able to see the effects of the downs more clearly, and I just really don’t want to go back there.

In fact, this sense of pseudo-panic is leaving me so upset and disturbed that I think I might be crashing because of it. Does this even make any sense? I feel like a complete lunatic, or completely doped up. Everything’s so right it’s wrong!

What do you think? Is it possible to become depressed because you’re happy?

Thought of the Week: The Do-Nothing Diet

I am not overweight.

However, I am skirting the line. For my size, I am right on the line between acceptable and overweight. You might think it’s not a big deal, and you’re probably right. Nonetheless, my belly protrudes a little father than I’d like it to, and my jeans are a little too tight, and being a tight sod I’m not buying any new ones.

That’s problem number one. Problem number two is I’m lazy. What I’ve discovered is most weight-loss philosophies actually include doing things, like exercising.

Ah, exercise, you old fiend.

So here’s the plan. First of all, weigh, measure and analyze myself at least once a day, because this appeals to my obsessive/compulsive tendencies.

Next, eat slightly less. My UP band helps with this, because I can meticulously log every single thing I eat down to the individual ingredients, and take stock of how much cholesterol, how many calories, how much salt and so forth I’m eating on a daily basis. Also good for obsessive behavior.

Then – and only then, if all else fails – do a little bit of exercise. I don’t want to overdo it. I wouldn’t want to get too many of those endorphins flowing and actually start to feel good (shudder). I certainly don’t want to feel like I’m not quite so lazy anymore. It’s a fine line.

I reckon I ought to lose about 20 pounds. I don’t have to, but it would be nice. Then I can put another 10 back on and not feel so bad about it.

So you see, I’m dieting – something I really never thought I’d be doing, with my oh-so-youthful high metabolism and good looks (I’m sure that’s relevant to weight gain, it has to be). But it’s a very lazy diet, which suits me well. I figured I might as well start tracking my mood and emotional levels too, just so I can prove that working out and dieting doesn’t make you feel better. It can’t – it wouldn’t be fair.

So what do you think? The Do-Nothing Diet: The Couch-Potato’s Path to a Slightly Less Unsightly Roll of Fat around the Middle. Catchy?

Oh, I’m going to miss my morning bagel.

Incidentally, why on earth did this come up in a Google Image search for “slightly overweight”?

Mens Fashion 2011 summer Boxer Briefs D&G

 

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