Thought of the Week: The Do-Nothing Diet

I am not overweight.

However, I am skirting the line. For my size, I am right on the line between acceptable and overweight. You might think it’s not a big deal, and you’re probably right. Nonetheless, my belly protrudes a little father than I’d like it to, and my jeans are a little too tight, and being a tight sod I’m not buying any new ones.

That’s problem number one. Problem number two is I’m lazy. What I’ve discovered is most weight-loss philosophies actually include doing things, like exercising.

Ah, exercise, you old fiend.

So here’s the plan. First of all, weigh, measure and analyze myself at least once a day, because this appeals to my obsessive/compulsive tendencies.

Next, eat slightly less. My UP band helps with this, because I can meticulously log every single thing I eat down to the individual ingredients, and take stock of how much cholesterol, how many calories, how much salt and so forth I’m eating on a daily basis. Also good for obsessive behavior.

Then – and only then, if all else fails – do a little bit of exercise. I don’t want to overdo it. I wouldn’t want to get too many of those endorphins flowing and actually start to feel good (shudder). I certainly don’t want to feel like I’m not quite so lazy anymore. It’s a fine line.

I reckon I ought to lose about 20 pounds. I don’t have to, but it would be nice. Then I can put another 10 back on and not feel so bad about it.

So you see, I’m dieting – something I really never thought I’d be doing, with my oh-so-youthful high metabolism and good looks (I’m sure that’s relevant to weight gain, it has to be). But it’s a very lazy diet, which suits me well. I figured I might as well start tracking my mood and emotional levels too, just so I can prove that working out and dieting doesn’t make you feel better. It can’t – it wouldn’t be fair.

So what do you think? The Do-Nothing Diet: The Couch-Potato’s Path to a Slightly Less Unsightly Roll of Fat around the Middle. Catchy?

Oh, I’m going to miss my morning bagel.

Incidentally, why on earth did this come up in a Google Image search for “slightly overweight”?

Mens Fashion 2011 summer Boxer Briefs D&G

 

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