Thought of the Week: The Do-Nothing Diet

I am not overweight.

However, I am skirting the line. For my size, I am right on the line between acceptable and overweight. You might think it’s not a big deal, and you’re probably right. Nonetheless, my belly protrudes a little father than I’d like it to, and my jeans are a little too tight, and being a tight sod I’m not buying any new ones.

That’s problem number one. Problem number two is I’m lazy. What I’ve discovered is most weight-loss philosophies actually include doing things, like exercising.

Ah, exercise, you old fiend.

So here’s the plan. First of all, weigh, measure and analyze myself at least once a day, because this appeals to my obsessive/compulsive tendencies.

Next, eat slightly less. My UP band helps with this, because I can meticulously log every single thing I eat down to the individual ingredients, and take stock of how much cholesterol, how many calories, how much salt and so forth I’m eating on a daily basis. Also good for obsessive behavior.

Then – and only then, if all else fails – do a little bit of exercise. I don’t want to overdo it. I wouldn’t want to get too many of those endorphins flowing and actually start to feel good (shudder). I certainly don’t want to feel like I’m not quite so lazy anymore. It’s a fine line.

I reckon I ought to lose about 20 pounds. I don’t have to, but it would be nice. Then I can put another 10 back on and not feel so bad about it.

So you see, I’m dieting – something I really never thought I’d be doing, with my oh-so-youthful high metabolism and good looks (I’m sure that’s relevant to weight gain, it has to be). But it’s a very lazy diet, which suits me well. I figured I might as well start tracking my mood and emotional levels too, just so I can prove that working out and dieting doesn’t make you feel better. It can’t – it wouldn’t be fair.

So what do you think? The Do-Nothing Diet: The Couch-Potato’s Path to a Slightly Less Unsightly Roll of Fat around the Middle. Catchy?

Oh, I’m going to miss my morning bagel.

Incidentally, why on earth did this come up in a Google Image search for “slightly overweight”?

Mens Fashion 2011 summer Boxer Briefs D&G

 

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6 thoughts on “Thought of the Week: The Do-Nothing Diet

  1. You can do it! I’m on my last 20 lbs. Well, I’ve been on them now for a while. Can’t seem to get off the plateau. Grrrrrr Made lots of changes to what I eat as well. Tough, but it works. Good luck! Oh, and, yeah, what about that picture is even slightly overweight? O_o

    • I discovered that if I suddenly switch from weighing myself in the evening to in the morning, I suddenly drop 2-3 pounds. I think it only works once, though…

  2. Since the neurological scientific community and all Positive Thinkers Anon have assured us the mind simply cannot distinguish the difference between what is imagined and what is physically done, I suggest you eat a pint of ice cream topped with a pickle, washed down with beer and a couple of shots for good measure, right before bed –

    Just think how much exercise you’ll get while running away from the purple dragon in the nightmare you have, compliments of this nightcap – –

    Good luck!

  3. Hey, if it bothers you, it never hurts to take some small steps for maintenance or a trim down, right? Unless your view of yourself is distorted that is, but if your pants don’t fit, you might be right.

    Incidentally, I never put my jeans in the dryer anymore. They kept shrinking and I thought it was my waistline. That’ll screw with a person.

    • Ha! I never put my jeans in the dryer for exactly that reason. It’s actually been going pretty well, although I do kind of feel hungry a lot now…

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