Tag Archives: Mental Health

Thought of the Week: Childhood Stresses

This is a stressful week for Little Satis. As an eleven-year-old in the state of New Jersey, he is about to be subjected to a series of testing known as PARCC (the oh-so-memorable Partnership for Assessment of Readiness for College and Careers). The testing would have started today, but there was a delayed opening at school because of last night’s snow.

Starting tomorrow morning, he will be sitting through hours of assessments and tests in English, mathematics and literacy, to … I guess see how well he’s going to do at college and in his career? Honestly, the point of these tests somewhat eludes me. Perhaps that’s my failing as a parent for not paying attention as much as I should, but I just can’t find it in me to care much about all these tests. I’d rather he go to school and enjoy his time there; after all, what’s the point of education if you hate it?

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Music I Love: Rock Mix 1

Track listing:

  1. Black Night – Deep Purple (1970)
  2. Sweet Dreams – Marilyn Manson (1995)
  3. Enter Sandman (S&M) – Metallica (1999)
  4. Amish Paradise – Weird Al Yankovic (1996)
  5. Synthetic – Spineshank (2000)
  6. Coma White – Marilyn Manson (1998)
  7. Smoke on the Water (Live) – Deep Purple (unknown year)
  8. Long Hard Road out of Hell – Marilyn Manson (1999)
  9. Fade to Black – Metallica (1984)
  10. New Disease – Spineshank (2000)
  11. The Night Santa Went Crazy – Weird Al Yankovic (1996)
  12. Californication – Red Hot Chili Peppers (1999)

This is the story of how my life was saved by music, and two kids in high school. If that seems like hyperbole, I’d argue you’ve never known a teenager suffering from clinical depression. There was once a time when I was desperately close to suicide, and this set of twelve songs quite literally stopped me.

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Tales of Despair: Scars and Scratches

I have alluded to this many times in the course of this blog (in fact, I’ve probably outright stated it before), but I used to self-harm. For the peace of mind of Mrs. Satis, who sometimes reads these posts, I should state that I haven’t lifted a blade to hurt myself in over ten years; in fact, I stopped around when we met, and partly because of her. But there was a time in my life when cutting my skin was an enormous part of my identity, and I of course bear the scars (both physical and emotional) to this day.

I’m not ‘better’, and I doubt I ever will be.

There’s a wide range of reasons why people hurt themselves, and just as wide a variety of methods. From cutting to burning to starving oneself (Princess Diana once said she used to throw herself down stairs), self-harm can often be an outward reflection of the emotional pain someone is enduring every day. It’s often associated with suicide ideation, but I don’t think that’s quite fair; the people who hurt themselves (myself included) might often dream of and think of ending their lives, but the harm itself is born out of a burning desire not to die, but to feel alive. Although it might not look (or feel) like it, self-harm is usually topical and superficial, leaving little lasting harm. My deepest scars are not on my wrists; they’re on my upper arm, a fleshy place that was easy to cut deep without doing serious damage.

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