I did. I really did. It was a creative outlet, it was a chance to connect with people over a medium I felt moderately talented at; it was a way to share my thoughts into the void, and sometimes get a phenomenal response out of it. There was a point where I was posting 3-4 times a week, or more. I was featured on WordPress’ front page – twice!
I don’t really know why I stopped. It wasn’t all of a sudden, either; it kind of just petered out, slowing to a post a week, then a post a month, then maybe two or three in a year. Part of it is my bipolar, I’m sure; when I’m severely depressed, I really just don’t feel like doing anything. But part of it is, I suspect, a severe lack of self-discipline.
You see, it’s not like I don’t create anymore. In the past years I’ve written books, songs, albums … I’m currently working on a classical requiem, for no other reason than I want to. All of this takes energy, effort, and time, but there are also long periods of time where I just don’t do anything. I don’t create. Yesterday, I got home from work at 8 PM, ate dinner by 9 PM … and then just went to bed. No work, no creativity; just sleep.
I do like sleep.
But this lack of discipline, I suspect, is chronic in my life. It takes me forever to achieve anything. In the time I write one book, others write four or five. In the time it takes to get a promotion at work, others are three or four levels ahead of me. I think the biggest issue with my life is that I give in to complacency: an idea that what I have is enough, and that working towards more is not worth the effort.
But I’m also getting older, and I have to recognize that half my life is behind me. There are still things I want to accomplish, and I don’t have forever to do so. I want to finish The Redemption of Erâth. I want to write a symphony. I want to see it performed by a real orchestra. So many things, so little time.
But it wouldn’t be so little time, if I had a little more discipline.
So here’s my attempt. My attempt at discipline. I will try – try, mind you – to write a post once a week at a minimum, for the rest of the year. I will post it on Monday each week, no matter what. No excuses, no delays. Today is number one. It doesn’t matter what the posts are about; I don’t care if they’re deep, profound, or totally banal and boring. And NO repeats – this doesn’t count if I post previously-written material. The goal here is to actually just write.
And who knows? Maybe 2023 will be the year my blog takes off again. I mean, probably not, but you never know.
So here’s to 48 more posts. This is number one.