It’s funny; as I consider the history of my blogging – and its future – I think about all the things that used to occupy my mind. Every week, nearly, it seems there would be some newness to share: a novel idea, a thought, an opinion. There was no shortage of topics to write about, and no shortage of concerns to share about them.

As time wears on (or perhaps merely as I get older), the less these things seem to matter to me. What once was of grave concern to me (or at least of mild interest) now holds no sway. And I don’t know if that’s because the world has become duller, or because I have.

Every week as I fire up WordPress again to write, I struggle to think of something to say. Something worthwhile. Something interesting, or passionate, or educational. Or even just erroneously opinionated. But instead, all I can think of is how I can’t think of anything to write about.

What a conundrum.

I wonder if this is an aspect of getting older. I started blogging twelve years ago, when I was twelve years younger. Life was more engaging, more thrilling, more devastating … more stuff was happening to me emotionally. Now, of course, I fear that I’m getting boring, or too cynical to care about anything in any real depth. Especially as, even when a topic does come up that reignites some latent interest in me, it fizzles out before I can cohesively string a sentence about it together.

Or is it just me? Am I just becoming less interesting? Am I becoming a boring old git, whose interests are waning and in whom others’ interest is equally declining? Age, one would think, comes with experience and experiences, and with the both of those one would reasonably assume that there would be more to discuss, not less.

It just seems that there’s so little left to say about the world that hasn’t been said by others already, or in a better way, or with greater reach. After all, who am I? Who cares what I have to say? What does my voice matter?

It’s not that I’ve lost interest in my own passions; quite the contrary. In a few weeks I have an interview for grad school to study music composition – a return to a major that I had thought I’d abandoned nearly twenty years ago. I’ve been writing books, writing music, recording and composing; I just can’t think of the same idle, random thoughts to put up on the internet that I used to.

That being said, I suppose I never was very prolific at the whole “random thought” thing; I was never successful at Twitter, because I couldn’t think of enough witty 140-character remarks to fill a feed. Medium- to long-form blogging was the closest I could achieve, largely because I’m too wordy and not witty enough for sound bites.

I could, of course, update you all on the ins and outs of my mundane life and existence; I had Cheerios for breakfast, and drove too fast on the way home to pick up Chinese takeout because I was hungry. But I suspect that would be just as dull as anything else I could think of to write about.

Perhaps I should return to where this blog started; a way to publish and promote my fantasy writing. But in order to do that, I’d have to actually, you know, write some more fantasy. Which I’ve been dreadfully stagnant at. (Although I do honestly have an intention to return to The Redemption of Erâth.)

In any case, I will continue to try and write here, even if I am waffling with nothing to say, because writing keeps the muscles limber, and ultimately I need to exercise those dormant muscles from time to time.