Well, well, well. Here I am, having made it through another year, saying that I’m going to do this and that and all the other, just like I do every year. Every January, every new resolution, to this day, turned to dust. My resolution last year was to post more frequently (I managed a total of 47 posts in 2014). It was also to publish the second book of my fantasy series, The Redemption of Erâth. It was also to lose weight. It was also to get healthy, physically and mentally.
Well … not much of that happened. In fact, I went completely off the deep end a few months ago, taking it to the point of wanting desperately to (and contemplating how I might) end my life. I was ravaged by the throes of a deep bipolar depression, and I thought I would never write again.
I desperately want to believe that this time will be different. And that might make all the difference.
There was, of course, no knowing a year ago that any of this would happen. I thought things would look up, that I would be a better person … all that crap. I was sadly deluded. This then begs the question, of course—what makes it different this time? Why should I believe in my commitments this year, when I so abjectly failed in them last year? Why, out of all time, will I change now?
I believe the answer lies in the very fact that I came so close to ending it all. Teetering on the brink, I realized that there are people who love me, people who live for me, and I realized that I can’t let those people down. People like my wife. And my son. And to that extent, I got back on the meds, I’m going to regular therapy, and things are, for the first time in my life, looking positive. I desperately want to believe that this time will be different.
And that might make all the difference.
I wrote a little bit yesterday. I’m writing again today. And I will try to write tomorrow. This is one of my new year’s resolutions—to write every day. I might not manage to write about Erâth every day, but whether it be novelizing, blogging or just journalling, I need to write more.
I also need to read more. I started reading The Lord of the Rings again, thanks to my son very thoughtfully buying me a print copy of the series that I’ve—surprisingly—never had. I also started reading a rather helpful book called The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published, which I’m hoping will have some tips on how to make the most of the series I’m developing (after all—how many of you have bought it, eh?).
New things are afoot elsewhere, too. The blog I guest-write for, Girl Who Reads, has asked for an up to the length of articles I submit—2,500 words. I’m daunted, but also looking forward, to the challenge. I might try to take that challenge onboard here, too—apparently longer articles are the most popular, surprisingly (here I always thought people had short attention spans).
So entering this new year, things are looking up. I firmly believe, for the first time in my life, that I can live a positive life. I’ve been good for longer in the past few months than ever before in my life. And I’m hoping it continues. Of course, I can only take things one day at a time, but the medication helps, and so does the support of my family.
As for now, I’m going to get some sleep. After all, I’ve got writing to do tomorrow!
Featured image taken from http://www.brixhamyachtclub.com/upcoming-events-over-christmas-and-new-year/.