Thought of the Week: Untitled

I’ve tried to write a Thought of the Week post three times now, and been completely unable to think of anything to write. I even took a picture of my glowing spider friend, but I can’t think of anything to say about him, either:

Glowing Spider

Poor little guy.

I started thinking about what ‘Thought of the Week’ actually means, and realized that perhaps the problem is that I’m not having any thoughts. (I might have had one the other day, but I could be mistaken.) Within the space of an entire week, I’m not entirely certain I’ve thought about anything at all.

What did I do this week? Painted furniture, threw a temper tantrum, braided my hair and my wife’s to match, bought a new album on iTunes, copied two seasons of Borgen onto my computer that I’ll probably never watch…but I don’t think I did any thinking. Or if I did, it didn’t stick. The problem with my ongoing depression is that not much bothers or concerns me, and so I tend not to get upset about things. Have you noticed how many blog posts and articles there are about people getting upset? The right gets upset when the left marries gays, the left gets upset when the right shoots bad guys. Creationists get upset by Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and everyone gets upset when someone dies in Game of Thrones.

Am I the only person who kind of, well…doesn’t care? I’d much rather spend my time writing about Brandyé, or dissolving my brain playing some ridiculous game on my iPhone.

Looking back through my past Thought of the Week posts, it seems to me that once upon a time I noticed things. I noticed them, thought about them, and wrote about them. What have I noticed this week?

  • A dead deer on the side of the road.
  • One of our groundhog babies is particularly adventurous.
  • I’m not looking forward to moving houses.
  • There are lots of coffee cup stains on my desk.

That is all.

What’s wrong with me? I used to notice all sorts of little things; I even had a blog series dedicated to it. Now, almost nothing is retained long enough to form a coherent thought. It’s as if my brain is just simply shutting down. I’m almost afraid that soon, I won’t be able to write even a few words in a blog post, on any particular topic at all – even the topic of not being able to come up with topics.

Wait a minute…did I just have a thought?

Featured image from

Satis Logo 2014

Thought of the Week: An Open Letter to Descartes

Dear Monsieur Descartes,

I wish to bring to your attention a matter of accountability regarding your well-known writings on philosophy and rationalism. It is my belief that you are responsible for a great deal of emotional distress and suffering, and I am seeking reparations for both myself and my fellow sufferers in the form of an acknowledgement of the negative influence of your treatises, and a public apology. For the moment I am willing to forego monetary compensation for the therapy and medication we have collectively paid for, as I am aware three-hundred and fifty years’ compound interest might be beyond your financial means.

Allow to explain. I in no way wish to dismiss your excellent contributions to the fields of philosophy and mathematics. Your system of plotting equations on a graph, though it troubled me greatly in high school, has undoubtedly revolutionized geometry and mathematics as we know it today. Equally, I appreciate the effort you displayed in separating man from god, and your debate on free will is second to none.

However, in your pursuit of truth and certainty, you devised a particular phrase that, despite its simplicity, has had quite a devastating impact on the sanity of myself and many others. I speak, naturally, of this simple sentence:

I think, therefore I am.

You see, whether you intended it or not, this has led to the rise of the philosophy of existentialism, and the potential denial of the reality of anything that is not directly tied to the self. If my existence is proven by my ability to think about it, what of the existence of everything and everyone around me? According to you, their existence is also proven by my ability to think about them; however, the necessary implication of this is that anything I think of is therefore also real.

This leads to what I consider to be the existential dilemma: if an object’s reality is determined solely by the fact that I am thinking of it, how can I then be certain of the reality of anything at all? There is a modern legend that describes this quandary very succinctly. A popular story in our times describes a world in which humans are plugged into machines from birth. These machines provide all the sensory input necessary, directly to the brain, to convince a person (in this case a very wooden Keanu Reeves) that they are, in fact, experiencing reality.

The essence of the problem you have created for us is that we cannot be certain of the existence of anything other than ourselves – by which I mean the collection of our thoughts and minds. According to your philosophy, I cannot even be certain of my flesh and blood, or even if I am actually writing this letter or just imagining the whole thing.

You have failed to follow through with your philosophy, and for this I hold you accountable. In questioning the nature of existence itself, you have failed to provide us with an answer to that question, and show absolute proof that everyone else does, in fact, exist. I hope you understand that such matters are generally beyond the reasoning of most folk (including myself), and so I bow to your superior intellect in providing for us the answer to the dilemma you have left us with for so long.

In conclusion, I request that you submit an acknowledgement of your failure to provide a suitable answer to this problem, and an apology for the loss of sanity you have caused me and many others (if they exist). I have spent a large amount of time and money (if money is real) on therapy and medication (I’m not sure my therapist was real), directly as a result of my inability to resolve your issues. If I do not receive a response from you within fourteen days, I will be forced to seek legal representation (lawyers most certainly exist) and pursue damages as compensation.

I will await your reply (if you exist), and hope we can arrive at a mutual understanding.

Most sincerely,

Satis (if I exist)