Tag Archives: Mental Health

The Devil’s Details: Tell Me About Your Parents

pictureIt’s still early days in therapy for me, but last week the Lovely J (to borrow a phrase from a good friend) asked me something straight out of a Ben Stiller comedy.

So, tell me about your parents.

I almost cracked up. I understand that it’s a perfectly valid question to ask, and important in the ‘getting to know me’ part of it all, but there was a part of me that wanted to retort, “Tell me about yours!”

What did I do in the end? Naturally, I told her about my parents. About how my mother was a obsessive, controlling compulsive liar who loved me nonetheless (if in all the wrong ways), and my father was an emotionally distant power figure. Could it get more clichéd?

Sigh. It was kind of fun, if not terribly insightful. I wonder what she’ll conclude?

Satis Logo with ©

The Redemption of Erâth: Hiatus

Dear readers,

At the beginning of the year, I began work on the second book of The Redemption of Erâth, Exile. My intention was to follow the pattern I set last year of writing a new chapter each week – thus completing the book in about 25 weeks.

It’s now the 9th week of the year, and I’ve written 5 chapters. There are several things that have gotten in the way of this goal. For one, the chapters have become inherently longer (some as much as 150%), which takes more time to write. There have been a number of events in the past couple of months that have taken time away from my writing as well.

However, the most important reason I need to slow down is for my own health. Since I started looking into sleep disorders and had a polysomnography done, I’ve realized that my perpetual exhaustion may be more than just “the way I am.” My UP band (which has been simply wonderful) has helped me to realize that I am sometimes getting as little as 5 hours of sleep a night, which for me is not nearly enough. I am now consistently dozing off whilst driving to and from work, and I am going to have a serious accident if I’m not able to keep my focus on the road.

So in all of this, something has to give. My typical day starts at 6:00 AM, and I don’t have a chance to sit down and write until about 9:30 PM at the earliest. In the past, I would spend until midnight writing before going to bed, under the assumption that I’d be getting my minimum of 6 hours of sleep.

I was talking about this with a colleague at work, and I mentioned that if I went to bed earlier, I wouldn’t be able to get as much writing done. In her infinite wisdom, she pointed out that I wouldn’t get much writing done from a coffin either. It’s a fair point.

So for the immediate future, I will be slowing the progress on Exile so that I can focus on my health, and hopefully get an extra hour of sleep or so each night. I will still write on my days off, and if I happen to have an early evening, I’ll be working then, too. I want to apologize, because I feel equally anxious to find out what’s going to happen to Brandyé next. For now, though, the next part of his story will have to come more slowly.

I appreciate your readership, your support, your kindness and your patience. We will get there – and find out exactly what’s going to happen to the world of Erâth!

With the deepest affection,

 

Satis

Sleep

Thought of the Week: Goodnight

homer-asleep

Dear readers,

By the time you read this I will be in a hospital. After years of suffering, indecision and procrastination, I’ve finally taken the plunge, and have myself voluntarily committed.

To a sleep clinic. What were you thinking?

For as long as I can remember, I have had trouble with sleep. Not so much actually sleeping – I have no trouble falling asleep. In fact, that’s in part the problem; I can – and do – fall asleep anywhere, anytime. It’s not narcolepsy, in the sense that it’s not uncontrollable, but I go through life with essentially an almost permanent sense of exhaustion. I can fall asleep sitting in a chair during my lunch break; I can fall asleep watching TV. I fall asleep at night with no difficulty. Worryingly, I even doze off when I’m driving (especially in the evening, but sometimes in the morning as well).

Insufficient oxygen during the night can have a definite impact on your general level of alertness and well-being.

Essentially, no matter how much I sleep, I never feel well-rested. I used to think it was just a side-effect of the depression I was suffering, but as things changed and my mind reshaped itself, the perpetual tiredness has remained the same. Often when I’ve had a particularly long night’s rest, I actually feel more tired than if I’d only slept for five or six hours.

upblackbandIt was not so long ago that I was talking with my psychiatrist, and he happened to ask me how I’ve been sleeping. I gave my usual answer – I sleep well, no trouble falling asleep, etc. – but also thought to mention the fact that my wife has told me that I snore a lot. As in, a lot. She ends up getting far less rest than I do, because I’m constantly keeping her awake. (I haven’t bothered to tell her that she snores too, because I rarely wake up when I’m sleeping). And he pointed out that snoring can be a symptom of a lack of oxygen whilst sleeping. He also pointed out that insufficient oxygen during the night can have a definite impact on your general level of alertness and well-being.

photoAnd so he recommended that I look into having a sleep study done, and although I’ve put it off for quite a few months, I finally made the call. Up until now, I kept wondering if it was really true, or if it was just something inherent to me. I kept wanted to get one of those health bands that can track your steps and workouts and sleep patterns, and just the other day I finally bought the Jawbone Up (my wife was less than thrilled that I spent money on this trinket when there are better uses it could be put to), and it’s been fascinating to see what it’s telling me. Last night I spent about 7½ hours asleep (more than average, but it’s my day off today), but far more fascinating was the long of deep vs. light sleep. It even shows that I woke up briefly in the middle of the night (I don’t know if I went to pee or just rolled over in bed).

But as fascinating as this is, it’s not terribly scientific, and the accuracy may be dubious. So that’s why I’m having this done professionally. I’m actually very interested to see what the results of tonight’s tests are – and if there’s anything that can be done about it. It would be wonderful to feel awake once again; and far more wonderful to have a less cranky wife.