Thought of the Week: Her (A Memoir)

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9780805096538_custom-23ea9dcbbd6c95e517d5b756b350ec37ea1b8833-s6-c30Well, I managed to achieve one of my New Year’s resolutions already, and read an entire book to myself. Perhaps if I continue to read this year, I can start a new blog series of reviews! How about that?

Like the best books, I downloaded a copy of Her: A Memoir at the behest of a good friend, Alexandra Corinth. You can read her review of the book here, if you want. She has her opinions of the book (rather glowing, all told), and I have mine. They may intersect.

Her: A Memoir is the story of twin sisters torn apart by violence, rape, drug abuse and eventually death (the blurb makes no secret of this, so it’s hardly a spoiler). This ought to have given me some clue as to what I was getting myself into reading this book, but I plunged ahead anyway. I also made the rather severe mistake of reading a number of reviews of the book before I’d finished myself, which means my own opinion may now be influenced.

Her: A Memoir is for the most part a gut-wrenching, harrowing, painful book to read. Christa Parravani doesn’t ease into the story, with the opening line:

“I used to be an identical twin.”

We are torn from there through the twins’ childhood, growing up in a broken home, learning to mistrust men, and within a few chapters we read of Cara’s rape in her own words (an interesting touch; interspersed throughout the book are Cara’s own writing, from journals and diary extracts). We learn of the addiction to prescription drugs, the move to heroin, and soon enough, Cara’s fatal overdose.

The first part of the book is haunting, certainly, but it was the second part, wherein Christa very nearly destroys her own life following her sister’s death, that I found particularly difficult to read. It’s here that we learn what it meant to Christa to be a twin, and what it meant to become ‘twinless’. We follow her through marital infidelity, more prescription drugs, mental institutions, and finally—finally—a form of salvation in her new husband and newborn child.

What did I think of Christa’s account of her life? It’s hard to say. I’ve read reviews, both raving and scathing. Some have likened her writing to poetry; I disagree. The more negative reviews tend to focus on the selfish, narcissistic and thoroughly inconsiderate nature of the two twins, mentioning that the art of memoir is to make the people likable. I also disagree. People are selfish, they do horrible things to each other, and to Christa’s credit she doesn’t try to rationalize the things she did; she simply paints the picture as she recalls it.

Personally, I think that Christa may have written this memoir too soon. She is still only in her thirties now, and though the book does end with the hope that, with her child, things will be better, there’s a lot of life still left for Christa to go through. I suspect there’s a lot of mental and emotional trouble that she will have to deal with as he continues to grow.

There are times in the book where Christa appears to speak for all twins in the context of her relationship with her own sister, but I think that between the lines there is an awareness that their relationship went beyond sibling love. Several times she writes as if she was Cara. Several times she writes of her doubts over her own individuality. Before and after her sister died, there are times when she seems to fail to recognize the difference between the two of them. It strikes me that this, in itself, is something worth seeking professional help for.

Ultimately, Her: A Memoir is the story of Christa’s struggle to survive, first with her twin and then without. All such struggles are deeply personal, and what one person weathers can kill another. I know people who have suffered far worse tragedies; there are, of course, people who kill themselves over far lesser ones. I don’t mean to belittle what Christa went through—I can hardly imagine her pain—but I would have liked to see a slightly greater distance from the events that are described. I would have liked to see what Christa learned. I would have liked to see a wider context. Perhaps if Christa had written this memoir five or ten years later, we would have seen that.

Stylistically, the writing could have been better. It jumps; it freezes. Short sentences move on from one another with sometimes very little flow. Dashes of poeticism glare out of context. Sometimes there are descriptions and details that fail to show their relevance. Does this detract from this book? Not really—I recognize many of these faults in my own writing. Writing is words in order, and the story is told; I wasn’t looking for poetic beauty on every page. But the occasional disjointedness does stand out.

I did not enjoy the book; I am nonetheless glad to have read it. I was tense, stressed and worried on every page. I felt deeply for Christa and Cara. I will probably be worried about them for some time to come. I hope that Christa will have a happy life with her new husband and daughter. I hope that she can retain the hope she finishes the book with. I hope she can find peace.

My; this is a terrible review. More a train of thought than anything. Sigh. If you’ve read Her: A Memoir, what did you think?

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

Featured image from http://therumpus.net/2013/07/her-by-christa-parravani/.

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The Redemption of Erâth: Dreams

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In my efforts to blog a little more than I have been doing, I’d like to commit to posting something about The Redemption of Erâth each week, even if it’s only a brief update on how things are going. As some of you know I’m currently working my way through editing The Redemption of Erâth: Exile in response to my editor’s comments and changes. One of the things she mentioned was that, in comparison to Consolation, the main character, Brandyé, has notably few dreams/visions in this book. She pointed out that he either needs to have a couple more dreams (meaningful ones, that is to say), or an explanation as for why he’s suddenly deprived of them.

I found a perfect place to insert another dream sequence—it’s another foreshadowing of something that is yet to come, this time not for several books—and I’d like to share it with you all today.

In his fever the hope of light was mixed with the despair of utter Darkness, and more than once he felt himself drawn far away, the world around him becoming distant and mute. His waking vision narrowed and dimmed while his sleep became restless, and before long he began to see things in his mind that could not be: fierundé surrounded him, towering high like the demons they were, and no Illuèn came to rescue him. Instead, Shaera floated through his vision once again, and in the distance he could hear Sonora calling to him, her words lost to time. Standing tall in the distance was a figure of grotesque Darkness, the demon lord’s blade grasped tight in its left hand, and despite the shadows there was something dreadfully familiar about its face—an evil he knew only too well.

In the depths of this Darkness he turned inward, and as his mind threatened to collapse he found himself suddenly in a desolate, empty and hauntingly familiar place. He was in a small, rough boat, floating once more on the dread black sea that he thought he had abandoned years before, and there was no land in sight. The sky was utterly black, yet a faint crimson glow pervaded and gave such an awful light to the scene that he felt a sickness that was nothing to do with his fever.

It was a dream, he now knew—Ermèn’s words echoed through his mind—but the reassurance that he might return from this place did little to assuage the dread he felt at being here. Like all the dreams of his youth it was a place he did not care for in the slightest, and like the dream of the fierundé in the forest he was terrified of it one day coming true.

As the boat bobbed gently in the swell he took note of his surroundings, and saw there was a person in the boat with him, back turned and hood high over his head. A chill passed through him at the figure’s motionless posture, and he leaned over to tap the person on the shoulder. The figure did not respond, and he moved closer, careful not to upset the small boat. He pulled upon the figure’s shoulder, turning him so that his face was visible, and there, silent dead eyes staring into the distance, was Elven. Brandyé called his name aloud, but his friend made no sign that he had heard him; no sign, in fact, that he was even among the living. He shook his shoulder, and Elven’s lifeless body rocked at the motion.
Panic began to overtake Brandyé at the thought that Elven might be dead, but the knowledge that this was—must be—a dream gave him some strength. He sat back once more in the boat, and considered his position. He cast his mind back to the dreams of his youth: the lost city, the fierundé, and even the dread tower surrounded by rivers of fire, and it came to him that each time, there was something for him to see, a culmination to the vision.

He waited, but nothing came. For what seemed like hours he sat in the boat, floating with the waves, and there was no sound, no sight, nor even any smell that might tell him of his fate. Only after an age did it occur to him that he might be meant to leave these surroundings, and indeed at the thought he noticed the pair of oars in the bottom of the boat.

They were little more than planks of wood, in fact, but served their purpose: he picked on up, and began to pull at the water. Slowly the boat began to move through the dead sea, first this way and then that as he alternated sides in his paddling. He tried not to look upon Elven’s lifeless form as the boat bobbed up and down, and focused his attention on his efforts.

Soon he began to feel a breeze on his face, and knew that they were moving at a fair pace. For a moment he paused, breathless and sweating, and it was then that he heard, faint over the lapping of the waves, the sound of many men working hard at something. Cries, shouts, clangs, scraping and grinding drifted to his ears, and as he lifted his eyes he froze cold.

Far in the distance, only just visible in the awful gloom, rose a great pinnacle of stone out of the black water, a vast edifice that towered hundreds of feet above his head and disappeared into the haze. At its summit many fires burned bright, and it was from here that the sounds emanated. As he drew closer he saw that there were hundreds of men and beasts alike moving to and fro along the top of this spire of rock, and it seemed they were to a one busied in the construction of a great wooden projection that stood out far over the water, hanging in the air like the broken end of a bridge.

Brandyé was at a loss to understand what these creatures and men were doing, though there was something dreadfully familiar about it all. Inexplicably his mind went out to Shaera, and he wondered at her absence: she had been in so many of his dreams that he realized he had almost been expecting to find her here, also. He thought perhaps she would have had something to say to him about this, though of course he would not have understood her ancient words.

For a moment these thoughts occupied him, and he failed to notice the change in tone of the men and beasts far above him: slowly their hammering and sawing ceased, and it was only when silence descended that he looked up again to find hundreds of pairs of eyes staring back down at him.

There was a soft splash in the water beside him, and Brandyé glanced down at the water, thinking perhaps it was some kind of fish. He saw only ripples in the water, but then came a second splash, followed by a thud, and a stone tumbled to the bottom of the boat. Looking up in sudden fear he realized that he was being bombarded from above, stones cast upon him from an unthinkable height.

Crying out he held the wooden paddle over his head as yet more stones descended upon him, and then there was a flash of flame and he saw that they were now sending burning arrows upon him as well. In an instant the boat was alight, and as the heat threatened to sear him his thoughts went to Elven, who had not moved or reacted throughout all of this. Torn between a blazing boat and a poison sea, Brandyé gathered his courage, grasped Elven’s lifeless form and hauled mightily, sending them both tumbling into the water.

The dread water closed swiftly above his head, and it was now that Brandyé realized the true nature of the black ocean, for it was unlike any water that he knew. Though the boat’s dead wood had remained afloat upon it, the sea had an affinity for living flesh, and in spite of his thrashing would not allow him to return to the surface. Deeper down he was dragged, and he lost his hold on Elven’s cloak. Darkness crept over his vision, and as his breath failed him he breathed in the sick water, felt it enter his lungs, and felt its poison inside of him. Desperately he tried to swim, but his limbs grew heavy, and laden with an unstoppable Darkness, he sank to the ocean’s stony depths and was no more.

What do you all think?

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Thought of the Week: Resolutions

Don’t forget, you can be reading your copy of The Redemption of Erâth: Consolation in just a few minutes for only $3.99! Click here to buy.

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I realize it’s a little late in the month for New Year’s resolutions, but I figure late is better than never, and besides, I’ll never keep to all (or any) of them. In fact, I’m generally not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions; I find it a bit twee, and lacking in any real substance. However, there are a few things I’d like to improve upon over the following few weeks and months, and if the New Year is an excuse to set them down in writing, then I’m game for it.

Following on somewhat from last week’s posts about lists, here is a list of the things I would like to accomplish over the next year:

1. Blog more.

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This is a big one. As a writer, I should be writing all the time. Having said that, I posted 44 entries on satiswrites.com last year; that doesn’t even average once a week! Most of them were posts of chapters from The Redemption of Erâth, too, which means the total number of actual blog posts, such as Thought of the Week, were absolutely minimal. There are 49 weeks left in this year, and I want to commit to posting at least one post a week in the Thought of the Week category. I also want to resurrect a few other categories, such as Music I Love and Daily Photos.

2. Read more.

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This is also a big one. As a writer, there’s no excuse for not reading, yet I simply don’t do it. I want to read at least one (just one!) book to myself—that is to say, not a book I read to Little Satis for bed time, although those stories have been immensely enjoyable. I also want to read more of your words, which leads to …

3. Interact with the blogging community more.

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There are so many incredibly talented, intelligent and worthwhile people out there writing their hearts out for others to read, and I really want to get back into the community that made my blog worth writing in the first place. I want to commit to spending at least some time each week reading through the WordPress.com Reader, and liking/commenting on a handful of posts when I do. In particular I want to read/watch more of what my very good writing friend Alexandra Corinth has to say.

4. Lose weight.

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This isn’t so crucial, but I’m about 20 lbs overweight, and I’d like to shed some of that over the next few months if I can. I hate you, exercise bike.

5. Publish The Redemption of Erâth: Exile.

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This is huge. I managed to get The Redemption of Erâth: Consolation published by July 2014; I’d very much like to see a summer launch for Exile if it’s within the realms of possibility. Whether this means self-publishing again, or seeking agent representation, I don’t know, but I don’t want to keep my (currently very few) fans waiting longer than they need to!

There are plenty more things I’m sure I’d like to accomplish, but I think I’ll leave it at five for the moment: I don’t want to tax myself too much!

What are your resolutions for this year?

Featured image from http://allisonpataki.com/set-new-years-resolutions-january/.

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