Tag Archives: Movies

Movie Night: Hogfather

Year: 2006

Director: Vadim Jean

Production Company: The Mob Film Company

Leads: David Jason, Marc Warren

527-3Hard as it may be to believe, this was my first ever foray into the world of Terry Pratchett. Certainly I knew of him, and knew that his fantasy works were a rival to Tolkien in their complexity and depth, but somehow, for some reason, I just…never read them. The extent of Discworld, described throughout thirty-nine (39!) novels, frankly defies my imagination. Middle-Earth, Arda, and even my own Erâth (shameless plug, shameless plug (wait a minute; can I plug my own work in my own writing? How does that work?)) pale in comparison to the detail presented herein.

Discworld, it turns out, is in fact a flat world (I honestly did not know this when I presented Erâth as a flat world), resting on the back of four elephants, standing on the shell of a giant tortoise. I am given to wonder, of course, what keeps the tortoise entertained, and what would happen if one of the elephants sneezed, but that is pondering for another time.

Hogfather is a tale of sinister happenings at Hogswatch, which is basically Christmas except that Santa is a hog. On this particular Hogswatch, a group of rather unpleasant characters called the Auditors decide that it’s time to get rid of the Hogfather, and seek out the head of the Assassin’s Guild to commission his assassination. How exactly to assassinate an imaginary person (this got uncomfortable for me watching with Little Satis, who still believes in Father Christmas) is uncertain, but an extremely unsavory character by the name of Teatime (said Te-ah-Tim-eh), who is frankly one of the most disturbing psychopaths I’ve ever come across in fiction, giving even Hannibal Lecter a run for his money, is brought in as the killer of choice. Mr. Teatime manages to capture a tooth fairy, who leads him to the tooth fairy’s castle. Here he collects all the children’s teeth ever, and (I still don’t quite understand how) uses them for force all the children to stop believing in the Hogfather.

At the Hogfather’s absence, Death (yes, Death) takes over his job, understanding the importance of children continuing to believe. The sight of Death delivering presents is delicious, of course. Meanwhile, Death’s granddaughter Susan chases after Mr. Teatime, defeats him, and restores the Hogfather to Discworld at the very last moment.

Marc Warren as Mr. Teatime

Marc Warren as Mr. Teatime

The story (as told by the film) was confusing and disjointed, which is something that can often happen when a complex novel is adapted to the screen (see The Lord of the Rings), but this actually didn’t detract, but rather added, to the sense of darkness and confusion of the story itself. The production, for a TV miniseries, was phenomenal, from the CGI to the sets and costumes to the direction itself. The acting was of course first-rate, given that David Jason, David Warner and Tony Robinson were involved; however, it was the utterly terrifying performance by Marc Warren that really stole the show.

I really ought to have known Marc Warren better, given his high-profile career in British television, but I’m certainly going to keeping an eye out for him in the future. His embodiment of an untainted, childlike insanity is so real that I was frightened merely watching him.  The tone of innocent curiosity Warren puts into his voice clashes so violently with the words and actions of this psychopath has the effect of knotting the stomach on sight – you can’t tell if he’s going to laugh, or laugh and kill you.

I was hoping this would be good, but I was taken aback: it is one of the most astonishing pieces of film work I’ve seen for television, and it will certainly be added to the canon of festive films in our household.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Movie Night: Project A

Year: 1983

Director: Jackie Chan

Production Company: Authority Films

Leads: Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung Kam-Bo

ProjectAOne thing Netflix does have a lot of is old Jackie Chan movies. I have to be careful to avoid the R-rated ones with Little Satis (it’s usually just for Chris Tucker‘s foul mouth), but there are plenty that are pretty much just harmless fun. A particular joy are those from the eighties before he moved to Hollywood, because some of them just don’t make any sense. We watched The Accidental Spy once (fair enough, that one’s from 2001), which is about a salesman who just happens to be a karate master. Fair enough.

At least in Project A Jackie Chan is an ex-cop turned sailor, so the martial arts is a little more explainable…maybe? Anyway, long story short, pirates are attacking the Chinese navy in Hong Kong, and despite all their efforts, they always seem to be one step ahead of the navy’s plans. The admiral, a kindly old man, is discharged, the ships abandoned, and naturally all the sailors become police officers. It turns out, however, that it was the police who were giving the information to the pirates in the first place. With the help of a shadowy, overweight kung-fu-chopping madman friend and a haughty police officer who nonetheless has his heart in the right place, our hero manages to fool the cops, bust an arms trade with the pirates, sneak into their island cove, duke it out with the super-badass pirate bad guy and escape just before it all blows to hell.

Frankly there isn’t a whole lot to be considered here. The whole thing feels a little bit like a Chinese James Bond film with martial arts. IMDB labels it as a “costume drama”, and the costumes certainly couldn’t be more dramatic. The pirates are wonderfully stereotyped, complete with swords and bare chests and pantaloons and drooping pencil mustaches:

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All in all, the main reason to watch this movie – the main reason to watch any Jackie Chan movie – is for the stunts, and of those there are numerous and spectacular examples. The cycling stunts through the back alleys of Hong Kong are splendid, and when Jackie Chan manages to climb to the top of a forty-foot flagpole, jump onto a roof and crash through a loft window, all with his hands manacled, my heart did actually do a little leap. Every fight scene is beautifully choreographed, which is simply a pleasure to watch. There is humor, but often the true laughs are at the attempts to deliberately be funny – the crudeness of the slapstick is itself amusing (for example, when Chan’s bicycle seat falls off without his knowing, and he sits down on the bare pole).

There was one thing about the film that stuck out to me, and it was something that I personally was very appreciative of. Unlike many of his more modern films (and unlike most films these days), the on-location filming in the streets and back alleys of Hong Kong lends a wonderful authenticity that is so often missing these days. No spectacular sets, no jumping out of airplanes or off skyscrapers; the story is a simpler one, and so the locations are simpler. It makes one realize that huge sets are very impressive and all, but it can actually take away from what you’re supposed to be impressed by: the actors, and the action.

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

The Devil’s Details: Bryan Singer the Giant Slayer

jtgs10I’m rather looking forward to Jack the Giant Slayer. It’s my kind of movie – epic fantasy, more CGI than live action, and a plot that’s frankly just an excuse for two hours of visual excess. I thought it might be a remake of Jack the Giant Killer from back in 1962, which Little Satis and I watched a while back. It isn’t, really; it’s as different from the original fairytale as the first movie was.

In all of this, I honestly never gave a second thought to the cast and crew, and certainly not the director. Didn’t really know who Bryan Singer was – I’d heard his name somewhere, but couldn’t really associate it with anything. But, for some reason, he really, really wants me to know that he directed it:

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I can’t recall ever seeing this on a movie poster before. I get the whole “from the director of” ploy: if you liked that, then you’ll love this. I remember this vividly from the previews of 10,000 B.C.; all I really saw was “from the director of Independence Day“. I recall wondering what on earth the two movies had to do with each other, and why the director made any difference. But, the big difference was that it was never pointed out who that director was (some dude called Roland Emmerich). Frankly, I didn’t care; even if the two were related in some way, it didn’t matter much to me who the director was – I knew it wasn’t Steven Spielberg or Ridley Scott.

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10000bc-poster1So why is it so important to Bryan Singer that we know he directed the movie? And of all things, why point out he’s the director of X-Men? Why not The Usual Suspects? That would tell me this guy is a masterful director. (Of course, it would also tell me Jack the Giant Slayer was a mind-bending crime flick with an ending twist to rival The Sixth Sense.)

Is it just me, or does this seem just a tad self-congratulatory? Have you ever seen this before?