We’re deep into autumn now, though the weather this week is meant to be warm, and I’m starting to feel the crushing despair that seems to come every year around this time. The hopelessness, the meaninglessness of everything, the feeling that it’s pointless even to try, to carry on for another day. That everything I do is doomed to failure.
Tag Archives: Mental Health
Autumn Commitments
It’s been a long summer, away from my family and friends for five months straight. Whilst I did get to see my wife and son briefly during this period, there are some people I haven’t seen at all, and some I fear I may never see again. This summer has been an exceptional experience for me, both personally and for my career, but it’s time I returned home. In just a few weeks, I’ll be back in my house in New Jersey, far from the bright sun of California and entering the decay of autumn that I love so much—the colors of trees, the darkening of days, and the cooling of the air. I’m glad, in a way, to have missed New Jersey’s typically hot and humid summer, but I’m very much looking forward to being home.
The Daily Struggle
I’m aware that a lot of what I end up writing about tends to relate to mental health and mental illnesses, but it’s probably because it’s such a huge part of my daily life. For decades now I’ve struggled with the ups and downs of manic depression, or bipolar, or whatever the doctors want to call it next. For the longest period of this time I went unmedicated, never really knowing that there was another way to be. Some days were better than others, but I lived most of my life in a gray fog, never quite seeing the sun or the world around me.
Satis Writes 