A Gothic Symphony: Chapter Three – Introductions

If he hadn’t known better, he would have thought it was a setup. Considering where things ended up leading, it might as well have been. All of it, just to meet that one girl.

Marlon was crazy. He owned a huge apartment in the expensive part of the city, and no one really knew where he got the money; he worked at a divorce attorney office, the kind that don’t require a spouse’s signature. He had first met Marlon when he still worked at the big law firm, and he’d fallen in with him right away – the guy knew how to throw a party.

He never quite figured out why Marlon left; something to do with his boss, who Marlon had never really liked. In his mind, that didn’t really justify leaving a cushy job with an almost infinite upward path for a downtown crap shack that got people out of your life for $300. There was no way he was making any decent money there, even if they kept things off the books (which was pretty likely). It didn’t change a thing; he’d kept the apartment, the expensive TV and white leather couches, and he still threw mad parties.

Most of the people who’d shown up were young urbanites fresh out of college (some still in college), starting their career and living the good life in a big city. There was always something to do on a Saturday night, and apparently this was the thing to do this night. There must have been fifty people crammed into that apartment, and there was wine and champagne and expensive beer. The music was loud, the people were louder, and there was a lot of laughter, a lot of joking, and a whole lot of flirting.

He’d come because Marlon had invited him; he liked the atmosphere, when people started getting hammered, when their hair and their guards came down. A lot of the girls were single, and it was a good place to pick someone up (or get laid, if the mood was right). At any given time, there was something or other going on in the bedroom.

Tonight, though, he wasn’t really all that into it. He’d just come off the back of a week of fifteen-hour days, and frankly was planning to stay an hour, get wasted, and go back to his apartment to sleep for twenty-four hours straight.

He’d secured himself a comfy seat in a corner near the windows, having made sure it was only big enough for one. He had a glass of scotch in his hand – no ice – and had surreptitiously liberated the bottle from the little bar shelf in the open-plan kitchen. If he didn’t finish it, he told himself, he’d be taking it with him. It was Marlon’s, and it was expensive, and he didn’t give a shit. […]

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A Gothic Symphony: Chapter Two – Bethany

My parents are divorced, and that’s probably all you need to know about me. They split when I was seven, and it kind of fucked me up. I never thought it was all my fault like everyone wants to believe – they both talked to me a lot about it. It was my dad’s fault, and we all know it. My feelings were a lot more complicated, and I guess I still haven’t got it all worked out.

My dad’s an alcoholic. I guess I didn’t really know what that meant when I was seven. He just drank a lot of beer, which is what I thought all dads were supposed to do. Maybe he didn’t know what it meant, either. Either way, what I do remember is that he and mom fought a lot, and she’d scream at him just as much as he did. He never beat her – he never laid a hand on either of us – but I always got scared when they fought, and I’d hide in my room and cry.

I never felt like it was my fault, but I did feel guilty. When dad took a day off work and we hung out, we had such good times that I thought days with dad were what the world was made for. Sometimes it was just a simple trip to the park; sometimes he took me into the city and we’d go to a museum. Not the boring kind, though – he knew the ones that had dinosaur bones and medieval armor and children’s boots from a hundred years ago. Sometimes, on a rainy day, we’d just stay at home all day and play Monopoly and listen to heavy metal.

And my mom…she was just there. She was there when I needed her, and there when I didn’t. Sometimes she was there even though I didn’t want her to be; I still hate cleaning my room. My mom was the one I talked to when Keila tripped me in the hallway and laughed when my stockings split right in the back.  She was the one who made a cake for me when Jess didn’t invite me to her birthday. She was the one who screamed down the phone at Rob’s parents because he called me a bitch, even though I didn’t know what it meant.

It wasn’t the last time I’d be called that.

No; I love my parents, and I’m pretty sure they love me too. The reason I felt so guilty about the divorce is that there wasn’t anything I could do. My parents had always told me I could do anything I put my mind to, and here was something I couldn’t do anything about. Nothing. […]

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A Gothic Symphony: Therapy Transcript

STEVE: Hello, Amy. It’s good to see you again. How are you today?

AMY: Fine.

STEVE: That’s good to hear. What’s been going on this week?

AMY: I don’t know. Nothing.

Pause.

AMY: My dad hates me.

STEVE: Why do you say that?

AMY: ’Cause he does. He’s always yelling at me.

STEVE: Okay. Why does he yell at you?

AMY: I don’t know. ’Cause he’s an asshole.

Pause.

AMY: He shouted at me about the stupid dishes.

STEVE: What did he say?

AMY: I don’t know. Some shit about money and how he works hard all day.

STEVE: How did that make you feel?

AMY: Angry.

STEVE: What did you say in return?

AMY: I told him mom works too.

STEVE: What did he say about that?

AMY: He went and got drunk. Then he fucked mom.

STEVE: Did that upset you?

AMY: Yeah.

Pause.

STEVE: What did you do?

AMY: I listened to music.

STEVE: Did you cut?

AMY: Yeah, but it didn’t have anything to do with that.

STEVE: Was it to see the blood again?

AMY: Yeah.

STEVE: Why is seeing the blood important to you?

AMY: I don’t know. It just looks pretty.

STEVE: May I see?

Pause.

STEVE: They don’t look too bad. Did it hurt?

AMY: Not really. It’s like, if it’s sharp enough you don’t even feel it.

STEVE: Do you wish it did hurt?

AMY: No. I don’t like pain. Why?

STEVE: Often self-harmers will do it because they feel it’s the only way for them to feel anything. To break through the numbness.

AMY: I don’t want to break through the numbness. I like it.

STEVE: Why is that?

Pause.

AMY: I don’t know. It’s…like it’s comfortable.

STEVE: Can you tell me more about that?

AMY: I don’t know. It’s like when you’re wrapped up under the blankets and all the lights are off, and there’s just…nothing, it’s like you’re in this deep black place where there’s just nothing, nothing around you, no people, no things…it’s not even like you’re floating, it’s just warm and comfortable and black. Deep down, down below everything else.

STEVE: Like a grave?

AMY: Yeah, I guess. That’s one way of looking at it. Yeah…I like that. Like a grave.

STEVE: Why is being in a grave comforting to you?

AMY: ’Cause it’s safe.

STEVE: Interesting. What are you safe from?

Pause.

AMY: Everything.

STEVE: All the things that can harm you?

AMY: And all the thing that can’t. Just…everything.

STEVE: Can you give me examples of things you want to be safe from?

Pause.

AMY: I don’t want to talk about it.

STEVE: Okay.

Pause.

STEVE: Is there anything else you would like to talk about?

AMY: I don’t know.

Pause.

STEVE: Last week you talked about how your parents are going away for your birthday. You said they did ask if you were okay with them not being there.

AMY: It’s not like they wouldn’t have gone anyway. They don’t give two shits about me. […]

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