Thought of the Week: On the Cycle Goes

Tonight’s post was very difficult to write. I can say that with authority, having penned only a line of it, because life itself is becoming increasingly difficult.

Again.

It’s so frustrating, so wearisome, to be locked into a cycle that never, ever changes. Good days come, and then they go, and I’m left clueless as to how to carry on. I haven’t showered in three days; I feel dirty, useless and exhausted—an exhaustion that no amount of sleep can relieve.

The world is tainted once more.

I haven’t taken any medication in several weeks now, and I can’t tell if it ever made a difference. I know I didn’t go cold turkey this time, and that might be a contributing factor; for quite some time I’ve felt pretty upbeat (see my post from earlier this month). But now … the best word I have to describe my state of being is fragile. I just can’t tell if I’m about to take a fatal plunge into despair once more.

I’m so tired of struggling. I’m tired of paying to be healthy. I’m tired of having to remember things. I’m tired of coming home every day from work so exhausted I can’t type a single line of The Redemption of Erâth. I’m tired of pretending.

I’m losing. I can feel it, feel the energy whispering away like air from collapsing lungs. The release of History of Erâth, NaNoWriMo, editing Exile … it’s rapidly becoming meaningless—vapid, pointless exercises in futility. Nobody wants to read what I’ve written. Nobody cares.

Why am I here? What’s compelling me to write tonight at all? Do I owe you words? A laughable attempt at a weekly post, when I didn’t post last week, and I probably won’t post next week. This blog is a joke, and so am I.

On the cycle goes. I’ll drown, and I’ll resurface later. I’ll drown again. Always the same, always the pain of knowing that nothing lasts. I might go silent for the rest of the year. I might manage my 50,000 words in November.

I might never write again.

The world is tainted once more. Meaning drops from life like rotten fruit from dying trees. Why wake up? Why go to work? Why write, or cook dinner?

Empty, useless words. Perhaps I can smother myself in the minutiae of tiny details, stop myself from thinking, from asking why. You can’t ask why, you just can’t.

Because there isn’t an answer. There are only fools.

The Redemption of Erâth: Proof in Print

Look what came in the mail!

Look what came in the mail!

I want to share a very quick update with you all: the print proof of History of Erâth arrived in the mail on Saturday, and it looks (for the most part) gorgeous! For all the detail in the cover, the image is crisp and sharp, the text is well laid-out, and the iconography (chapter headers, etc.) look fantastic. The only thing I need to fix is the internal resolution of the map image—it’s a little pixelated at the moment.

That’s really all I have right now—it’s looking like we’re well on track for a full release on October 5! Remember, you can already pre-order the Kindle or iBooks version now for only $0.99, by clicking the following links! And if you’d like both the History of Erâth and Consolation for free, just sign up for my newsletter below!

Pre-order on Kindle.

Pre-order on iBooks.

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The Redemption of Erâth: Progress on History

Redemption of Erâth History CoverThings are beginning to move fast on the History of Erâth, and I’m getting excited! The print proof of the book is on its way to me as I type this, and the eBook version is available for pre-order on Amazon, iBooks, Smashwords and more! I’m happy with the interior layout design, and I’m hoping against hope that I don’t notice too many further errors when I read through the print proof.

Having said that, there are a few updates I wanted to make you aware of. I originally said that I’d be offering the History of Erâth as a free companion book to the Redemption of Erâth series. This is still the case, but I’ve had to slightly change the way I’m going about it. Because of the nature of Kindle Direct Publishing, I can only run a free offer if I opt for KDP Select. However, if I choose KDP Select, I’m prohibited from distributing the book through any other channels for 90 days, and I don’t want this: I’d like it to be available on Apple’s iBooks, for example.

As a result, I’ve had to choose the minimum price possible, which is $0.99. And while you can definitely pay $0.99 for it on Amazon or iBooks, I’m also going to be offering a 100% discount coupon to download the book directly through Smashwords. This will be available throughout October and November, up until The Redemption of Erâth: Exile is released in December.

In the meantime, The Redemption of Erâth: Consolation can still be yours for free by signing up for my monthly newsletter. I’ve only had a few sign-ups so far, and you’re missing out on the start of an epic adventure. On top of that, the discount coupon for History of Erâth is going to go out in the newsletter, so if you do want to grab a copy of History of Erâth for less than $0.99, that’ll be your chance to do so!

So go ahead: sign up, get a free book, or pre-order History of Erâth on Kindle or iBooks now! I’m looking forward to sharing the building of the world of Erâth with you all, and it’ll give you some great insight into the background of the events set in motion in The Redemption of Erâth: Consolation.

Pre-order on Kindle.

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